North Korea Provides October Surprise, White House Does Not Go Nuclear

WASHINGTONOn Saturday, 9 October, the North Korean government detonated an underground explosion that registered on seismographs in Australia and Japan. Countries including the United States, South Korea, China, and Japan condemned the action as unsettling to global peace.

The White House responded in an uncharacteristically low-key manner to the news. In a Wednesday press conference in the Rose Garden, Bush declared that he had "no intention of attacking" North Korea to force it to destroy its nuclear WMDs. Should North Korea attack another country, though, the US would "reserves all options to defend our friends in the region."

The military option is not being played at this time. According to a confidential White House staffer, there just isnt anything to be gained. North Korea doesnt have oil, nor did its president ever allegedly try to have George H. W. Bush assassinated.

An annonymous source close to the Defense Department added that troop levels were too low to consider any additional action.

Weve considered recruiting boy and girl scouts, but most of them cant afford to miss that much school, the source conceded. Secretary Rumsfelt, the source said, feels confident that the 30,000 US troops already stationed in South Korea would be able to do the job of overthrowing the North Korean regime.

Sure, he said the troops will be welcomed with flowers and kimchee, said the source. It could take five days, five weeks, maybe five months, but the Secretary doubts it would take so long.

But White House aides concede that the situation in Korea is not one to warrant military intervention. When asked how the Korean situation differs from the situation that led to war in Iraq, White House Press Secretary Tony Fast Talk Snow said it was totally different. Iraq had a despotic dictator. He killed and tortured his own people, stocked WMDs, and was a threat to the US and its allies in the Middle East. North Korea hasnt got allies in the Middle East.

With only four weeks before US midterm elections, Bush said that the war in Iraq is having a political impact on the voters. Other issues foremost in voters minds are the long series of apparent lies perpetuated by the White House, lack of White House accountability for the Valerie Plame leak case, restrictions on Constitutional protections, use of torture on suspected terrorists, and the Mark Foley as sexual predator situation.

Bush said voters should not be concerned about the war and terrorists, but about the economy. He pointed to signs of job creation, lower energy prices and tax cuts for the wealthy among his successes. He also stressed the considerable drop in gasoline prices in October compared to highs in July. The reduced prices should, he suggested, remain in effect until at least 8 November.

This Korean thing should not deter voters from remembering that the Republicans have made America safer, the president added.

A spokesperson for British Prime Minister Tony Blair said he hoped the White House would keep the rhetoric down. Iraq had no WMDs, North Korea went full speed to build a nuclear device, and Iran is following close behind, the source, who works for MI5, said. Im not sure we can survive the American government calling any other nations part of an axis of evil!

NOTE: Gasoline prices in the Seattle area (where King resides) did indeed go up some 12-18 cents/gallon on November 9th...

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